Tilex Changed MM
Life
By:
Vicki M., Daphne, AL
When I
walked through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous, I had no idea my
life was about to change. I knew that I felt unhappy and that I
drank too much and too often and for the wrong reasons.
But…"An alcoholic? Not me—no way!"
I heard something
that first day, though. Those people—those members of AA—made
me a promise. They said, "If you come to meetings and just
not drink, your life will get better." Even though I didn’t
grasp the significance of that simple suggestion, I did hear it,
and it didn’t scare me away. Despite myself, I decided to give
it a whirl. I stopped drinking and started going to meetings.
Days without a
drink turned into weeks without a drink. Weeks turned into months.
And in what felt like the blink of an eye, I had a full year of
continuous sobriety. Not only that, but also the promise had come
true. My life was better. I even saw a glimpse of internal peace.
It wasn’t all
fun and games, though. Throughout that year I had plenty of living
problems. Whenever I felt desperate to solve those problems, I
asked my sponsor and/or my AA friends for help. Invariably, they
would say, "Work your steps." I would answer back,
"What do the steps have to do with the things in my life that
are making me feel crazy? I know now that I’m powerless over
alcohol, but what does that have to do with my ‘living
problems?’"
Then one day when
I was nine months sober, I was cleaning my bathtub with Tilex—the
bathroom mildew cleaner. It was the same product that I had used
to clean my bathtub for eight years without ever having a problem.
This time, though, it turned the whole tub orange—about the
color of rust. I tried repeatedly to remove the stain, but it
wouldn’t budge. I scrubbed; I used Clorox; I did everything I
could think of. Nothing helped. I had an orange bathtub.
Finally, out of
desperation, I called the 1-800 number on the back of the Tilex
bottle. The lady who answered told me that the tub must be old and
porous. She said not to use Tilex on that tub again and that if I
did, the same thing would happen. She suggested that I buy Clorox
2, pour it on, wait 15 minutes, and then wipe it off. I followed
her instructions, and voila—the stain disappeared.
When it came time
to clean my bathroom again, I picked up my Tilex, told myself that
it wouldn't happen again, and went about cleaning my tub just as I
had before. Well, as you might expect, the results were the
same—an orange bathtub! I used the Clorox 2 remedy again, and it
worked again.
The third time
around, I decided to change my approach. This time, instead of
saturating the entire tub with Tilex, I lightly sprayed it on a
few selected spots. What do you think happened? Yes, you’re
right; those spots turned the same color orange as I had seen on
the previous two occasions. Nothing had changed.
At this point, it
sank in, and I got it. I really couldn’t use Tilex on that
bathtub. If I did, it would turn orange! Then I recalled the
definition of insanity that I had heard many times in AA:
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and each
time expecting different results."
Then another
realization hit me, and it hit me pretty hard. I had been doing
the same thing with my oldest son that I was doing with the Tilex.
I had been protecting and rescuing him by paying his bills,
covering for him, bailing him out of trouble, etc., over and over
and over again, each time expecting different results—expecting
him to change his behavior.
My newly
discovered insights, though certainly not earth-shattering to a
normal person, made a huge impact on me. Tilex will not work on my
tub just because I keep trying to make it so. My son will not
change his behavior just because I keep trying the same methods to
make him see the light. I left the orange in my tub for two full
weeks to remind me of my insanity. Then I cleaned it with Clorox 2
and never used Tilex again.
Now, please bear
with me while I digress for a moment. During this same period of
my life, I was dating a man who did not love me the way I wanted
him to. To punish him for that, I ended the relationship. Then to
see if he had learned his lesson, I took him back. When I saw that
he still didn’t love me the way I wanted him to, I ended the
relationship. Then to see if he had changed, I took him back. When
I saw that he still didn’t love me the way I wanted…. Well,
you get the picture.
Then Man #2 came
into my life, and as soon as he did, Man #1 (who had cycled back
into my life for the umpteenth time) suddenly loved me to death.
And even though a part of me relished the tussle between Man #1
and Man #2 to win my heart, another part of me felt bewildered. I
liked #2 a lot, but I felt tremendously bound to #1 through the
history of our struggle to create and maintain a relationship.
I let the
confusion build and build until one night it came crashing down on
me. I didn't know what to do. I felt desperate and feared for my
sobriety and my sanity. I called everyone that I knew in AA, but I
didn't find anyone at home. So I started dialing the numbers of AA
members whom I didn’t even know.
Finally, I found
another alcoholic to talk to. After I blurted out my story, she
asked me that same question that AA’s always seem to ask at just
the right moment: "Have you worked this through your
steps?"
Now completely at
my wits’ end, I yelled into the phone, "What in the world
do these men have to do with alcohol? These men are my problem-not
alcohol!" Very calmly, she replied, "Dear, you are
powerless over these men, and your life is unmanageable. That is
Step 1. Now go work Steps 2 and 3, and then take the action in 4
through 9. Then you will have your solution."
I was not
convinced, but because I felt desperate, I was willing. I walked
into my quiet bedroom, sat on my bed, looked out my bedroom
window, and said to myself, "Okay… Step 2 promised me a
return to sanity, and Step 3 encouraged me to turn my will and
life over to God." Once I got that far, I decided that what I
needed to do was ask God to give me the answer to the question
that was making me feel insane. So I prayed, "God, what do
you want me to do? Which man do I choose?"
I waited, and I
waited. And I waited some more. And then I heard it—loud and
clear: "TILEX."
Feeling confused
and impatient, I sprang to the window and yelled at God,
"What does Tilex have to do with these men?" And then
suddenly it hit me, and I knew. Just as I had with the Tilex on my
bathtub and my rescuing behavior with my son, I had been doing the
same thing over and over again, each time expecting different
results, with Man #1. I realized that my pattern of starting and
stopping and starting and stopping the relationship with Man #1
represented my insanity. And I had to let him go.
Months later, as
my new relationship with Man #2 began to bloom, I felt that God
had, indeed, restored me to sanity—at least in this small aspect
of my life. And I felt tremendously grateful. I finally understood
what it meant to work the Steps in all my affairs. More
importantly, I learned to listen to God, whom I have come to
believe is "deep within."
Well, I kept
practicing what I had learned, and my life kept getting better.
Then one day the thought popped into my head that I wanted an
official Tilex bottle label to remind me of how God had worked in
my life. I picked up the phone and called the company’s 1-800
number. I asked the woman who answered the phone if they would
please mail me a new Tilex label. The woman, who identified
herself as Maryanne, asked me if it was for a school project. I
told her "No" and explained that it was a long story.
She asked me to tell her about it, so I did. I told her the whole
story.
She listened
patiently while I told her about the orange tub, the Clorox 2, my
son, my relationships with the two men, and my insight into my
insanity. I shared with her about my recovery and how I had
learned to work through this particular problem, as well as
subsequent ones, with the Steps.
When I finally
finished my story, she said something that brought chill bumps to
my skin and tears to my eyes. She said, "Vicki, my name is
Maryanne, and I'm an alcoholic. I have been asking God for help
all morning, and I'll be darned if he didn't bring me another
alcoholic." It was at that moment that I knew there were no
mistakes in God's world.
As she promised
she would, Maryanne sent me several different labels. I
immediately framed my favorite one and hung it in a special place
in my home. Today, whenever the framed label catches my eye, I
recall what I learned through my Tilex experience, and I think of
God…and Maryanne…and I smile.
|
