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PRINCIPLES: ADDICTION & RECOVERY TIPS & TALKS
          Vol.1, No.32                     December 15, 2000 
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=====TABLE OF CONTENTS=====

=====EDITOR'S COMMENTS
=====READERS' COMMENTS & CONTROVERSIES
=====TIP & TALK FEATURE ARTICLE
=====SPONSOR'S SPIEL
=====AN EASTERN PERSPECTIVE ON RECOVERY
=====FEATURED LINK OF THE WEEK
=====PURE BOLOGNA & HOGWASH
=====SUBSCRIBE / UNSUBSCRIBE / COMMENT


=====EDITOR'S COMMENTS=====

DISTRIBUTION: God willing, Principles hits cyberspace every Friday morning. Find Subscribe, Unsubscribe, & Comment instructions at the bottom of this page.

PRIVACY: I will never publish, give, loan, or sell your e-mail address to anyone. Never - No way - No how.

Thanks...Charles Roper


=====READERS' COMMENTS & CONTROVERSIES=====

From Robyn:

"I'm thinking, what does it really matter WHY I drank & did drugs? To dwell on that keeps me locked in the past. The thing that matters now is to take my lessons learned & get on with my life--do the next right thing. I like what Carl Jung had to say....'There is no birth of consciousness without pain.' All I know is, it works for me."

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From Kate:

Personally I think I am sick of alcoholism being blamed as a disease. It is part of the problem in finding viable solutions to long term sobriety. It is also evident that any x-alcoholic who is now in the field of counseling forces their clients to be subjected to AA and the whole "disease model" therapy because usually that is how they sobered up. I think it is dangerous to look at alcoholism as a disease as it perpetuates the problem and increases the chances of relapse to a higher degree simply because it takes the control of the problem out of the hands of the person suffering the addiction. With all the concepts out there today it is becoming more evident that addictions are more a way of avoiding feeling and not having to cope with life stresses. The reason you see people engulfed in cycles of addiction and even transfer of addiction is because taking away the drug, the alcohol or the "addictive process" for that matter is only the tip of the iceberg. Until a person learns effective coping skills and is able to express themselves emotionally they will continue to fall back into the addictive process.

Shame on the counselor of 9 years who is only one dimensional. When you fail to look at the person holistically and you offer alternative addictions (AA) then you only keep yourself employed within the rotation of revolving door clients. Take some time to keep up with the progress. We are not in the dark ages any longer with the idea that alcoholics are insane, so why do professionals hold onto the AA model as the only option for helping alcoholism? The AA group is almost 60 years old, and yet the progression to move away from AA as the vital solution is restricting and hampering the success rate in sobriety. Also AA does not work for all cultures and certainly is not appropriate for treating adolescent alcoholism.

Anyway as you can tell I agree with the concept that alcoholism is not a disease but a bandaid to cover up a void or a pain that a person cannot manage.

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[Editor's Reply: Well...I suppose a few of you have some thoughts on this subject.]


=====TIP & TALK FEATURED ARTICLE=====

RECOVERY TIP: 

"Growing chronologically older is mandatory; growing mentally old is optional."

RECOVERY TIP TALK: 

Like many of you, I get a lot of unsolicited, well-intentioned "feel good" e-mail. I usually delete it following a cursory reading of the first couple of lines. The following story, though, sent to me by my friend, Kay, caught my attention and sparked my imagination. 

Since it's out of character for me to embrace such fluffy stuff, I wondered why this little story was different. Maybe it's because since I entered recovery, I've learned to love old people and appreciate the value of their experience. Or maybe it's because I see so many people embark on a path of recovery but never take their recovery beyond not drinking and using. I don't mean to judge, but I hate to see that happen.

At any rate, I hope you like the story.

On the first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around, when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being. She said, "Hi, handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?" 

I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze. 

"Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked.

She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, have a couple of children, and then retire and travel." 

"No, seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age. 

"I always dreamed of having a college education, and now I'm getting one." she told me. 

After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake. We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we left class together and talked nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me. 

Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon, and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up, and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up. 

At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. 

She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor. Frustrated, and a little embarrassed, she leaned into the microphone and said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent, and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know."

As we laughed, she cleared her throat and began. "We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only four secrets to staying mentally young, being happy, and achieving success. 

"First, you have to laugh and find humor every day. 

"Second, you've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die. We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it.

"Third, there is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight. Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding the opportunity in change." 

"And finally, have no regrets. The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets." 

Rose concluded her speech by courageously singing the song, "The Rose." She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives. 

At the year's end, Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago. One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep. Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.


=====SPONSOR'S SPIEL=====

"...I have found that this book has become a companion to my Big Book. I reach for it often when I need to get my thinking back on track. Successful recovery is the primary issue in my life now, and I thank you for making available to me a great tool that will aid me in my struggles."
--K

High Bottom Drunk: A Novel...and the Truth about Addiction & Recovery, by Charles N. Roper, PhD.

Order High Bottom Drunk directly from the publisher, through the www.highbottomdrunk.com website, and receive two free gifts with each copy.

   
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=====AN EASTERN PERSPECTIVE ON RECOVERY=====

It's the "middle path" that we in recovery must walk. 

Compulsive people know a lot about the extremes of behavior and thought, but little about moderation. For most of us it was either the heights or the pits. And in both places, we still suffered. As people in recovery, we instinctively appreciate William Blake's lesson as one that we learned the hard way: "You never know what is enough unless you know what is more than enough."

Our new way of life falls between the extremes, and we are told, "Easy Does It." Unfortunately, the middle path is not our custom. Indeed, it may feel quite foreign to us. Fortunately, though, we are able not only to learn to live between the extremes, but also we learn to love living there.

Paraphrased from: The Zen of Recovery, by Mel Ash.


=====LINK OF THE WEEK=====

This week's featured link is one of my mainstays--the Friends of Bill W. (FOBW) Newsletter. This is a daily e-mail letter for friends of Bill W--mostly AA, but other 12-Step groups are represented and welcome. The letter features stories, columns, recovery humor, and discussion topics. And here's a nice touch: The editors track and publish subscribers' sobriety and natal birthdays. 

Visit the main page at: 
http://www.egroups.com/group/FOBWLetter 

Or bypass the visit, and sign up by sending a blank e-mail to:
mailto:fobwletter-subscribe@egroups.com 


=====PURE BOLOGNA & HOGWASH=====

From: http://www.debsfunpages.com (a very fun place to visit if you can forgive the pop-up windows that go along with it.

The Twelve Keys of WEBaholics:

We... 

1: ...admit that we have no life.

2: ...believe that a Power greater than ourselves can either restore us to sanity or provide us with unlimited, no-cost Internet dial-up.

3: ...made a decision to turn our lives over to that Great Webmaster In The Sky ("GWITS").

4: ...performed a searching moral inventory with the Web search engine of our choice.

5: ...admitted to GWITS, ourselves and another human being (even if only by eMail) the exact nature of our obsession.

6: ...were entirely ready to have GWITS remove our shortcomings and remedy our lack of knowledge about the latest chat technology.

7: ...humbly asked GWITS to allow us to FTP the file updates.

8: ...made a list of all persons we had neglected, and posted it on our personal home page.

9: ...made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would cut into our scheduled netsurf time

10: ...continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, blamed it on our outdated software.

11: ...sought through prayer and meditation to improve our contact with GWITS, by utilizing higher modem speeds and improved bandwidth.

12: ...had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Keys, tried to carry the message to other WEBholics, and ended up making complete pests out of ourselves. 


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Alrighty, then...till next week, do us all a favor and keep it simple. 

Charles Roper, Editor 

Principles: Addiction & Recovery Tips & Talks 

Alcohol & Drug Abuse - The Addiction & Recovery Information & Resources Web site:
http://www.alcoholanddrugabuse.com