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PRINCIPLES: ADDICTION & RECOVERY TIPS & TALKS
        Vol.1, No.21                  September 29, 2000
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=====TABLE OF CONTENTS=====

=====EDITOR'S COMMENTS
=====READERS' TWO CENTS' WORTH
=====THINGS YOU ALREADY KNEW, BUT...
=====TIP & TALK FEATURE ARTICLE
=====SPONSOR'S SPIEL
=====AN EASTERN PERSPECTIVE ON RECOVERY
=====FEATURED LINK OF THE WEEK
=====PURE BOLOGNA & HOGWASH
=====SUBSCRIBE / UNSUBSCRIBE / COMMENT


=====EDITOR'S COMMENTS=====

PUBLICATION: Principles: Addiction & Recovery Tips &
Talks is published every Friday morning by Charles
Roper, the owner & author of Alcohol & Drug Abuse -
The Addiction & Recovery Information & Resources
Web site. Please pay the site a visit.
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Thanks...Charles Roper


=====READER'S TWO CENTS' WORTH=====

Re: Jesse's Story (September 22, 2000)

Dear Charles,

They say that if you sit in the rooms long enough you will hear your story told by someone else. This story [Jesse's story] hit a little too close to home for me.

Jesse's story was mine. I wanted desperately to sound good, to be "recovered" immediately, to gain the respect I saw people with long-term sobriety have. And so I too studied how people spoke in meetings (I even took notes!) and memorized parts of all the books that I could throw into discussions (including the page and paragraph numbers!)

The only difference between Jesse and me is that I was "stupid" enough to choose a very respected oldtimer (more than 35 years of sobriety) as my first sponsor. More, I think, because of the "prestige" of having him as a sponsor than any actual help I wanted from him. He, however, saw right through me and my games.

But, God rest his soul, he didn't confront me in any angry way or make me feel "less than." He made me feel valued, loved and cared about - not because of "how I sounded" but just for being me. He recognized all the "work" I was putting into trying to be "Mr. AA" and saw the fear for what it was. He also showed me how I could put the same amount of work (or less) into recovery and have something that was "real."

That was over 19 years ago (January 2, 1982) and I am still sober and still a member of AA. So, yes, my story and Jesse's ends differently because of the "mistake" I made in picking the "wrong" (right) sponsor.

To this day, my favorite "definition" of FEAR is: the Frantic Effort to Appear Recovered.

Bobby G.
Victor E Group
Ft. Lauderdale, FL


=====THINGS YOU ALREADY KNEW, BUT...=====
   
"There is only one way to coast, and that is down hill."
    --From: Heard at a Meeting


=====TIP & TALK FEATURED ARTICLE=====

RECOVERY TIP:

1) Complacency drains the life out of recovery.
2) Strong messages can come from the strangest places.

RECOVERY TIP TALK:

Carla worked her way through her amends list conscientiously until she came to the last name on the list--Henry, her dad. Despite her pleadings for a reprieve, her sponsor insisted that she go ahead and get it behind her.

She arranged to meet Henry for lunch at a small cafe--private enough to talk but public enough to discourage loud, foul language. As she awaited his arrival, she reminded herself that making amends to her dad, an unpredictable active alcoholic, was for her--for her own recovery--and that her dad's reaction
was none of her business.

"Sweep my side of the street clean," she mumbled to herself. "Just be honest, open-minded, and willing. Tell the truth, and leave the outcome up to God."

She opened her eyes to the sound of her dad's voice. "Hey, wake up, little girl," he said as he settled into the chair across the table from hers.

Carla's heart rate quickened slightly. "Hi, Dad," she said. "I was just saying a little prayer. I'm kind of nervous right now."

Henry looked at her oddly but didn't probe. Instead, he
initiated small talk, which they carried on through lunch. After lunch, over coffee, Carla told him why she had called him and then proceeded to say the things she needed to say. Henry listened intently and seemingly without emotion.

"Well, that's pretty much it, Dad," Carla said, "except that I'm happy to finally be sober enough to say these things to you and to promise you that I intend to continue working on my recovery so that I'll never have to have this conversation with you again."

At that, Henry smiled. Then he said, "Carla, I'm going to tell you something that might surprise you. You and I both know I'm an alcoholic. We don't talk about it, but we both know it. The truth is, I've been an alcoholic pretty much all my life--at least from my early twenties on. I know you think I'm "in denial" and all that crap, but I have a pretty good idea of who I am. I know I haven't been a great father to you and your sister, and I'm pretty sure that alcohol has something to do with that.

"I also understand what you're doing today. It's one of your AA steps--one of the last ones, if I remember correctly. You see, I was sober once. It was over 50 years ago, shortly after your mother and I divorced, and I moved down to the coast. I got into such a bad and desperate situation that I called AA, and a couple of guys came around and took me to a meeting. Since I had nothing else to do at the time, I jumped into it with both feet, and I stayed sober for six months. And to tell you the truth, it was probably the happiest time of my life."

Shocked almost to the point of disbelief, Carla blurted out, "Dad, if that's true then what the hell happened? I've never seen you go a day without drinking!"

Henry blushed slightly. "I know you haven't. What happened is that things got better. After a few months, I got a job, and then I met a woman that I liked, and then I got a car, and everything just kind of fell into place. I felt good and strong, both physically and mentally. I even felt good about myself. I had some success at work, and I starting making decent money.  And then...well, I thought I had it licked. I quit going to meetings and started drinking again--socially, of course. It took me about a month or so to work my way back into drinking every day. I never tried to get sober again, and unless I'm terribly mistaken, I never will."

He looked Carla in the eye for the first time and said, "I
became complacent, Carla. My ego got the boost it needed, and I lost my humility. I thought I had total control over my own life. I would have bet every penny I had that I would never again have a problem with alcohol."

Henry took a deep breath and said, "I haven't given you much to hang onto over the years. But I will offer you this today: Don't take your sobriety for granted. Live it one day at a time, just like they say in AA. And if you ever feel as though you've got it licked, think of me."

Carla accepted Henry's gift and slipped it into her daily life. She tells it thusly: "Thanks to my dad...when I feel bad, I work my program. And when I feel good, I work my program."


=====SPONSOR'S SPIEL=====

High Bottom Drunk: A Novel...and the Truth about Addiction & Recovery, by Charles N. Roper, PhD.

From the mother of a recovering alcoholic daughter: "One of my daughters [a recovering alcoholic] took High Bottom Drunk home with her yesterday. She was so impressed that somebody finally got thru to me that it really wasn't my fault!!"

Please take a moment to check it out:
http://www.highbottomdrunk.com


=====EASTERN PERSPECTIVE ON RECOVERY=====

"To understand truth one must have a very sharp, precise, clear mind; not a cunning mind, but a mind that is capable of looking without any distortion, a mind innocent and vulnerable. Only such a mind can see what truth is; only a mind that is completely capable of learning can do that. Learning is not the accumulation of knowledge. Learning is movement from moment to moment."
    ---J. Krishnamurti

From: Chop Wood Carry Water, by Rick Fields, with Peggy Taylor, Rex Weyler, and Rick Ingrasci.


=====LINK OF THE WEEK=====

This week's featured link is: The Jaywalker

This 12-Step-oriented site offers some excellent resources--both serious ones and some not so serious. Among the most interesting:

Visit the site at:
http://www.thejaywalker.com


=====PURE BOLOGNA & HOGWASH=====

Father Murphy walked into a pub and said to the first man he met, "Sir, do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "Indeed, I do, Father."

The priest said, "Then leave this place right now and do not return!"

He then approached a second man. "Man," he said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," the man replied.

"Then leave this den of Satan this instant, and do not return!" said the priest.

Father Murphy then walked up to O'Toole and asked, "Sir, do you or do you not want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole smiled and replied, "No, I suppose I don't, Father."

The priest's eyes opened very wide, and he stared intently at O'Toole for a moment. Then he said, "You mean to tell me, Sir, that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole smiled again and said, "Oh, when I die. Yes, Father. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

Submitted by a good Irish Catholic lad.


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Till next week...do us all a favor and keep it simple.

Charles Roper, Editor
Principles: Addiction & Recovery Tips & Talks

Alcohol & Drug Abuse - The Addiction & Recovery Information
& Resources Web site:
http://www.alcoholanddrugabuse.com